I Have My Retirement Planned

I can’t tell you how much I’m going to get from Social Security or what my 401K might be like when I retire. For all I know, I may still be paying off my student loans. (LOL!) I DO, however, know exactly what I want to do with all my free time when I’m no longer required or fit to work for a living. Here’s the plan: scavenge the internet for crazy theories and/or become passionately involved in an organization that really serves no purpose and then continuously contact my local, state and federal representatives to discuss such matters with their overwhelmed staff. I’ll probably contact entities such as the Chamber of Commerce as well because surely they can tell me what to do about too many mosquitoes in the area or why we can’t have a major theme park in our city.

Those are just examples. I’m practicing for when the day comes when I can live my dreams. Hey, I’ve been in various customer service oriented positions for years, and I’ve come across almost every type of question there is. I’m excited to join the ranks and hassle staffers with extremely random questions and theories and treat them like they’re my personal Google. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve had to endure plenty of wild questions and attempt to rationally explain issues that are not within my jurisdiction to many people, so I figure when I’m old enough it’ll be my turn.

I will also be sure to introduce myself via phone as “Mrs. Curtis Scott, and I’m 85 years young, and I’m a registered voter.” That is legitimately how older folks like to describe themselves. I’ve heard it many times over. I’m positive that I can keep this up for years. There’s plenty of people to call. Depending on what kind of staff these organizations have, I could become a regular caller. Newbies wouldn’t be totally accepted into their organization until they’ve successfully fielded one of my phone calls. Then I’m going to keep a journal of the responses I receive. Better yet, I should make it into some type of reality show. I seriously think people would tune in.

Yes, I can imagine myself now. Sitting in my condo in Florida (obvious stereotype here) with my coffee and a muffin, and checking my list to see who I will call that day. I could start light in the morning and call a mayor and then move on to my senator in the afternoon. White House calls will have to be on special occasions and only for my very best questions.

What’s my purpose in all this?  Nothing, other than I’ve been waiting for the day when I can do or say things as I please and no one will be able to rebuke me. All the quizzes I’ve taken on Facebook and Buzzfeed say I’m “good” or “very polite” so this is just my way to be ever so slightly wicked and simultaneously amuse myself.

See? This retirement thing is no big deal. I’ve got it all figured out. I’m sure after reading this blog, many of you will be asking me for retirement advice. Some people think retired southern ladies should plant tomatoes, per “Steel Magnolias.” Boring. Tomatoes may be tasty but I’m planning to be a feisty old lady who stirs things up and I don’t mean soup. Get ready, young people. You have about twenty-seven years to prepare!

-Amanda Scott, Program Manager for the Liberty County CVB

The Right Blend Blog is written by three different authors employed by the Liberty County Chamber/CVB. As we are able, we rotate weeks and each write about our individual experiences, opinions and let our writing reflect our personalities and creativity. All content provided on The Right Blend blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site.